Friday, October 31, 2008

You're the man now dog!

America's craziest octogenarian senator is back making history.(fn1)

This time he's insisting that he "hasn't been convicted of anything" because, despite the jury voting to convict him on seven counts of corruption, he isn't technically convicted until the judge enters final sentence. That's... wow. Just... wow.

Even better he calls the guilty verdict a "temporary situation."(fn2) You know what else is a temporary situation? Your being a member of the Senate, Senator. How can I be so sure? Because the leader of your party's senate delegation has said there is a 100% chance the Senate will vote to expel you if you get re-elected. Just to be clear, that's the captain of your team telling you to screw off.

But man, what I wouldn't give to have one of the t-shirts his supporters printed up to greet him upon his return to Alaska: "F**k the Feds, Vote for Ted!" Awesome.(fn3)

(fn1) It is perhaps indicative of a general decline in our political system that there are actually enough crazy octogenarian senators that this is a contest. You might not think it's a contest but then you didn't spend a month one summer sitting on the floor of the Senate listening to Senator Byrd (D. - Crazy) give about a 20 part lecture on ancient Roman battles and politics. (fn4) Not, keep in mind, because it related to any pending business of the senate in particular but just because you are allowed to talk about whatever you want during "Morning Business" in the Senate and the man loves his antiquity. Possibly because he was there.

(fn2) How can one let the phrase "temporary situation" slide by without reference to the classic Parliament song about DC "Chocolate City" in which appears the line "they still call it the White House but that's a temporary situation C.C."? One cannot.

(fn3) Awesome as this shirt is, it must be considered only the second most awesome political shirt I've ever seen. Number one? That would be the shirt sported by the young lad sitting opposite my girl and me as we journeyed down to DC by train one St. Patrick's day. The shirt was green and had "I (shamrock) Bob" on it. Apparently it was the St. P's day wear for some congressional hopeful named Bob.

(fn4) Complete with elaborate visual aids that had been printed up. Your tax dollars at work. Not that this was even close to the most extravagant waste of tax dollars ever perpetrated by the esteemed Sen. Byrd. But still.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Anticipation!

Almost 3:00! Can't wait to find out which way those crazy, crazy traders are going to jump today!

Here's Mr. Tom Petty giving a voice to current market conditions.

Music soothes...

Recently I've been listening to two albums almost exclusively.

One is the debut from Vampire Weekend, a band of Columbia grads.

They've apparently been described as "the whitest band" by Stuff White People Like author Christian Lander as well as "trust-fund frat rock" by other musicians.

This is probably true. It is difficult to imagine over-estimating the snobby eliteness of a band with songs named for obscure punctuation terminology (the excellent "Oxford Comma"), bizarre architectural details (the also excellent "Mansard Roof") or that uses African pop-music influences to construct a song about WASPY summertime activities (the very excellent "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa").

They've also got a song called "M79" about taking the crosstown bus to meet up with your lady. I've been lucky to always date within my side of the city but being a man-of-the-people, I've taken various crosstown buses -- including the M79 -- many, many times. (fn1)

The songs "A-Punk" and "Campus" are also very good.



The other album I've been listening to, though perhaps somewhat less than Vampire Weekend, is "Under the Blacklight" by Rilo Kiley.

Rilo Kiley is an LA band whose lead singer, Jenny Lewis, was the female lead in the childhood advertising classic The Wizard.

My favorite songs on the Rilo Kiley album are "The Moneymaker" (fn2), the jaunty "Smoke Detector"(fn3), and "15". (fn4)

The songs "Close Call" and "Breakin' Up" are also pretty decent, though you kind of have to be in the mood for them. (fn5)

Both of these albums are many months old, of course, since I am now middle-aged and thus hopelessly behind the times. Such is life.

(fn1) Note that bus-taking is not Stuff White People Like, as evidenced by a friend of mine who is the George Wallace of anti-bus-bigotry and who gets upset when I reference stuff we've talked about without referencing his name. So: WFA. There.

(fn2) The video for which features real, live pornstars! Just to keep the blog's prostitution vibe going...

(fn3) A song that sounds like a slightly dirtied-up early 60's dance tune.

(fn4) The subject matter of which is fairly wrong. And by "fairly", I mean "very". Especially considering that it was penned by a female former child-star.

(fn5) But then again, I suppose that's kind of true for all music, to some degree. Does the song exist that you appreciate hearing regardless of current mental state? I would posit that it does not. There are many songs which have tremendous power to alter mental state, but I would think that even those require certain baseline mental states to be effective. That is, you're not going to go to pieces for "Danny Boy" if you're in the middle of a murderous rage. (fn6)

(fn6) Or ever, if you're me, as I use that song mostly to humorously jibe my friend Danny. (fn7)

(fn7) Wow, I've really kind of gone nuts with the footnotes this time out, huh? Perhaps I'll join a group.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

New Guns for Criminals Program

Caught a story on NY1 last night about the expansion to Manhattan of a gun buyback program that has apparently been running in Brooklyn for a little while.

I'd just like to point out that gun buyback programs are indisputably stupid. They are a classic example of having good intentions and designing a government program that seems to straightforwardly advance those intentions but actually works precisely to undermine them.

When you buy guns you are enlarging the demand for guns. This increases the value of guns. This will increase the amount of guns supplied. Period.

Imagine it for any other non-gun thing and you will immediately see that it's true. In this excellent post an economist makes exactly this point using sneakers as the example. If the government decided to buy back sneakers, would we expect to see fewer people wearing sneakers afterwards? Or would we expect people to take the chance to sell their old, crappy sneakers and use the money to buy new, nice sneakers?

Why would we expect the same program targeting guns to have any different result?

The best part is that the success of this lunacy is judged based on how many guns they manage to buy. Awesome. You are tallying up the number of people who like to buy guns to whom you have given money to upgrade their gun. Well done.

Tee-hee

I think I was at this same wedding... (fn1)
(fn1) Fun Fact about me that you might not know: I love advice columns. Love 'em. I only have two that I read regularly now but that has gone as high as five at various points when I find ones I like.

Line of the Day

George Will today:
The almost erotic pleasure of spending money that others have earned and saved is one reason people put up with the tiresome aspects of political life.
True.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

One, two, three o'clock... three o'clock rock?

So the Dow took a nosedive right at 3:00 again today. There seems to be a definite pattern of enormous volatility -- usually a price drop -- popping up right at 3:00.

I have no idea what's driving that, just that it's weird.

In other, happy news, I promise to have some more posts soon. I realize I've been light lately.

What can I say, the realization that my blog's readership is up 300% has left me with a bit of performance anxiety...

That said, I've got at least one longish, serious-ish post I'm noodling. And when I get some time to read the NY Times you just know there'll be something to kvetch about. It's the nature of the beast.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Nischt, nischt, nischt...

Did you know Amy Winehouse is Jewish? Neither did I. In celebration of that fun fact, here is a middle-aged man performing "Rehab" in Yiddish.

Mazel-tov.

Taking a stance for a friend

You know things are grim when Larry Craig shows up to lend moral support during your corruption trial.

Oh Sen. Stevens, you old coot. Remember when you threatened to quit Congress if the senate took away your $400 million bridge for 50 people? Or the time you called the internet a "series of tubes"?

We're gonna miss you, you lovable ol' curmudgeon, you! (fn1)

(fn1) Fun fact: The first summer that I was a Senate Page I got coffee for Sen. Stevens. I remember it well because it should have taken about 2 minutes but the coffee corner in the Minority Leader's office (This would have been Senator Dole's -- Bob Dole, that is -- office) was out of cups. So I then had to track down some cups which involved a lengthy search through the basement of the capitol.(fn2) By the time I had tracked down some cups and gotten a fresh batch of coffee made the whole thing had taken like 20 minutes or more. I was worried I was going to get chewed out when I finally showed up with the coffee but he had totally forgotten he even asked for it. Someday maybe I'll tell you about the time Strom Thurmond took me to the Senate dining room for ice cream and gave me a long talk about the many positive qualities of South Carolinian peanuts.(fn3)

(fn2) The basement of the capital is a strange and wonderful place. There are tunnels that go practically everywhere. And by everywhere I really, honestly mean everywhere. It would surprise me not at all if some of them led to different continents or time periods a la the weirder reaches of the Dharma Initiative in Lost.

(fn3) Jesse Helms, by contrast, was convinced that there was no better peanut to be found than that of North Carolina. He didn't give me ice cream, though, so I'm a South Carolina peanut man to this day.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'll tumble for ya... I'll tumble for ya...

So the Dow is down again today, nearly 8%.

We are living in utter chaos. Up 11% Monday, steady Tues, down 8% Wed. Madness.

What I'm wondering now is how long it takes until this fades into the background and is no longer panic inducing?

I'm paying, perhaps, particular attention, over and above my usual, due to the limbo my various housing situations are in. (fn1) So maybe the dread pit in my stomach that has lived there almost continuously for the last couple of months is just my own unique cross to bear. But I think not.

On the other hand, if there's anything I feel certain of about Human Nature it is humanity's nearly inexhaustible capacity to become used to anything. So now I'm wondering how long it is until chaotic markets and an impending economic collapse just becomes "the way it is" and is no more bother than any other ongoing tragedy of our world.

Honestly, if it goes like this much longer, a collapse will be a relief if only as an end to the anticipation.

(fn1) It's a long, long story. Suffice to say we're now moving on a rental as negotiations seem to have reached the end on the place we couldn't buy. "What negotiations?", you might be asking if you'd heard about our board rejection. That, dear friends, is why it's a long, long story. But for now, at least, I theoretically am moving on two fronts. And the market is tumbling. (fn2) And my stomach is not loving life.

(fn2) The word "tumble" always puts me in mind of the Boy George song "I'll tumble for you". Good song.

Shrinkage!

Alcohol shrinks your brain.

No proven link to cognitive decline, though, so I'm good.

The post suggests limiting yourself to one glass of alcohol a day for women, two for men. I'm going to assume those are averages and stick to having my 14 per week during a few hours on Sat. night.

CBS reads my blog... or my mind...

So I finished up watching last week's How I Met Your Mother on the web this morning and the ad selection this time around was much better. Rather than a 50-something selling me Viagra they had the hilarious set of ads of Neil Patrick Harris using his "former fake doctor" bona fides to sell me "prescription strength Old Spice -- without a prescription."

Using ads targeted to the same demographic as the show during which they air? Featuring the actor who performs the breakout character of the show? Much better.

I love those ads.

The episode, btw, was one of the best ever. And that's saying something.

"See you guys later, I've got to take a huge New Jersey."

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm not that old, I swear...

So this morning I finally got around to watching last week's How I Met Your Mother. So far, it is hysterical. It's a whole episode about the rank prejudice that young New Yorkers have against New Jersey. Many of the jokes I and my friends have in fact made ourselves. Genius.

But here's the odd thing. I'm watching it on CBS's website, since I had a scheduling conflict and couldn't DVR it. On the website you get fewer ads but you can't skip them. So what was the ad? Viagra.

A show about 20-30 somethings that is designed to most appeal to 20-30 somethings serves up an ad for erectile dysfunction.

I remember the first time I saw a beer ad with a song I had actually bought. I realized that I had hit the age (not 21, btw) at which beer companies felt it was worth paying attention to what I like. But am I really at the age when ad companies feel I might be interested in Viagra?

I'd note that the guy in the ad was in his 50's at least. I'd bet good money that the over 50 audience for How I Met Your Mother could fit comfortably in my apartment. And the over 50 web audience could fit comfortably in my refrigerator. Which is not a full-size fridge.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Ah city life... (updated)

So this morning at about 4:30 my next door neighbor (the apparent prostitute) had a knock-down, drag-out fight with her boyfriend. I'm talking screamed obscenities, thrown stuff, slammed doors, the works.

For like an hour. Then all was quiet for an hour or so and then the fight resumed with all of its original intensity and ended when she stormed out. She came back half an hour or so later banging on the door demanding her phone.

From what I could gather, the fight was about him cheating on her. Why a prostitute would be upset by her boyfriend cheating on her I do not know.(See update below...) I'd also love to know what the intermission in the fight was all about.

Regardless, living next door to people who are regularly up and active during the 4 am. hour during the week is growing very tiresome. Literally.

Happily, we're gone by the end of Nov. come hell or high water. Started looking at rentals yesterday. Saw some possibilities.

Update: So after conversing with my girl and comparing notes, we've decided that the girl who was arguing with her boyfriend was not, in fact, the prostitute. Rather, the boyfriend is apparently holed up at the prostitute's place and this girl found him there and was understandably upset about it. This explains her repeated screams of "what are you even doing here!?!?!?" as well as why she would not have access to the keys to retrieve her phone.

Ah, prostitutes.

What is it with me and prostitutes lately?

So my weekend was slightly weird.

It opened nicely. A friend recently competed on Jeopardy and the show aired Friday night. So a number of us gathered at some friends' house in Brooklyn to watch. He won big, we were all very happy for him.

Then we played poker in the basement (lowest-level, whatever, it's an apt., though a big one). I won. Yay me.

Heading home having had, perhaps, a beer or two too many (let's be honest: perhaps 8 or 10 too many.) I dozed off slightly and missed the transfer from the F to the 6 line to head home. No worries, though, as the F intersects with the E a stop or two later and the E actually goes even closer to my place.

At the E transfer station I missed an E by literal inches and then 10 minutes later it was a C train that trundled through. The C does not head over to the East side. But it was late, I was drunk, so I did what I sometimes do and just took it up to 50th st. on the West side and walked across.

And during my walk, I was propositioned by a prostitute. A huge white SUV ahead of me rolled its window down as I neared and the blonde girl driving leaned over and asked me where I was headed.

"Home."

"Where's home?"

"Nearby."

"Want some company on your way home?"

(Light turns on in my head as I figure out what this is... I was drunk...)
"Oh! No." (Walks purposefully away.)

50th or 51st around Madison. 12:30 at night. When relating this tale to friends, I've heard of similar experiences. Guess they want to tap the i-banker trade but don't want to risk actual streetwalking.

The next day I had a weird conversation (fn1) with my real estate attorney but that's perhaps best saved for another time.

fn1 Non-prostitute related except for the slight overlap of my next-door neighbor being a prostitute. But that fun fact has never actually come up in conversations with my real estate attorney.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

U.S. as banana republic...

Kind of hard to argue with, lately...

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Come with me if you want to live...

"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" has been a pleasant surprise. Here was a show that I felt sure would suck based on the very vague initial promotional spots. I would probably have never even tried it except that Fox cleverly held back the strike-shortened first season to air in the doldrums of the strike when there was literally no new scripted television on air at all.

With nothing to watch, I gave it a shot and found it was actually pretty good. I mean, here's a show that seems to be an obvious cash-in on a franchise that was looking pretty tired after the last movie. In addition, it features cast members from such notable dramatic successes as "Beverly Hills 90210" (fn1), "Judging Amy"(fn2) and "John from Cincinnati".(fn3)

To say I had low expectations would be overstating things quite a bit: I had less than no expectations. But the show does some pretty interesting things with what is, when used right, a pretty snappy premise.

At any rate, it was my pleasant surprise of the season. I actually had pretty high expectations coming into this season and thus far it has met them.

The only serious issue I'm facing is that I now have 3 overlapping shows that I enjoy on Mondays. This one, "Chuck" and "How I Met Your Mother".

I haven't yet watched the premiere of "Chuck" but I enjoyed last season so I'm hoping it's still good. "How I Met Your Mother" is one of the funniest shows ever and if you're not watching it you are cheating yourself.

The premise is a guy in the future telling his kids about his time in NYC back in the now. Theoretically it's the long story of how he met his wife, the future-kids' mother, but mostly it's just about being in your mid-20's to early 30's in NYC.

And it is awesome. I say this as someone spending his mid-20's to early 30's in NYC. It's basically me with better writers.

fn1) Brian Austin Green. Did you know the 'Austin' was made up because there was already a Brian Green in the SAG? Now you do! (fn4)

fn2) The guy who played her assistant whose name I am not going to look up. I'm also going to skate over the fact that Judging Amy was a guilty pleasure of mine for a long time.

fn3) The guy who played the doctor. Now, to be fair, he was also Jack McCall, the man who shot Wild Bill in the excellent "Deadwood", but still.

fn4) I recently read my first David Foster Wallace piece. It was an essay about a cruise he took. I enjoyed it and have been rocking the footnotes more and more since reading it.

Public Notice: Heroes is possibly the worst show on television

The show Heroes was interesting during its first season but ended kind of weakly.

The second season was almost unwatchably bad. The only reason it gets the "almost" qualifier in there was because of the interesting first season.

The third season was actually promoted prior to its start with the phrase "if you gave up on last season, you need to try it again..." which was somewhat heartening because it at least showed some recognition on the part of the producers of the show about how bad it had gotten.

But still, I was very trepidatious going into this season. No great eagerness to jump in. I finally got around to watching the special 2-hour premiere last night. The show is unwatchable. It's lost the "almost". I will be adjusting my dvr accordingly.